The worst element on the periodic table

I recently found someone on the Internet willing to say that bismuth, element 83, was a “C” tier element of the periodic table. Insane, I know. Bismuth is a beautiful metal often recognized for its iridescent rectangular crystals and is also the heaviest element on the periodic table that still remains relatively stable. If that was not enough in its favor, it is also part of the active ingredient in Pepto-Bismol. It’s even slightly radioactive with a half life of 19 quintillion years, about a quarter billion times longer than that of raw uranium. For all of these reasons, and no others, bismuth happens to be my favorite element. It is my first pick for an “S” tier element, as ranking lists often say.

Though this particular list is, objectively, stupid—it still pays to be sympathetic. Ranking the periodic table is no easy task. Bismuth is—or at least should be—a no-brainer for the top spot out of the 118 elements. Carbon, silicon, and possibly americium are my picks for numbers two, three, and four. Iridium and osmium place high due to the scientific feud over which element is the densest, as iridium is denser in calculations while osmium is denser in experiment. Mercury and bromine are both in the top half despite their toxicity because they are both liquids, and therefore get points for swag.

So what’s the worst one? Out of all the elements, the boring gray transition metals, the ones too unstable to exist for more than a second, the poisons and hard-to-pronounce names, which one earns the lowest spot on my personal list?

Let’s start by eliminating some elements from the remaining 117. The noble gasses are not at the bottom of the list, and neither are the halogens. The alkali metals all explode when combined with water, so naturally they are also all ruled out for being too interesting. We are down to 97 contenders.

Some smaller groups can also be eliminated. Yttrium, terbium, erbium, and ytterbium are all saved by collectively honoring the Swedish village of Ytterby where chemist Carl Axel Arrhenius discovered all four. The uranium, neptunium, and plutonium combination can also be ignored, for their radioactive properties but also for being named after planets. Additionally, every element named after a person is also out because I don’t want to anger their ghosts. 77 elements remain inferior.

Narrowing down the list, attention gets turned to the lamest group—the transition metals hold, somewhere among them, the worst element on the periodic table. Almost all of them are some variation of silver metal at room temperature, and very few of them stand out. This gives us 32 possible elements to choose for the all-time lowest of the low.

Even then, the transition metals offer so many elements of interest. Gold, for example, can’t be in last place. The classic iron, cobalt, nickel trio of ferromagnetic elements is disqualified. Platinum, rhodium, and palladium are the reason people keep stealing catalytic converters—not fun, but exciting enough to not be in last place. The longer I go through the periodic table, the more I realize how many hidden gems it has to offer. And metals. And inert gasses.

And yet there still has to be a loser, to me personally. Though all elements have their supporters, there is one element that has no interesting applications, gives miners gout in high enough concentrations, has an irregular electron configuration, and most importantly has a stupid-to-pronounce name. Without a doubt, in my completely subjective and unfounded opinion, molybdenum is the worst element on the periodic table.