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Tuition rises to $100,000

Plans made for Barton Hall, Blitman renovations

Posted on April 1, 2014 in Uncategorized by Maxamillion Schmite, Senior Reporter

Fellow students of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, it saddens me to write this article, but a little known part of the Rensselaer Plan 2048 has been brought to my attention. Apparently, in order to fund RPI’s exorbitant new Presidential Suite, the president of the Institute has silently published a new amendment to The Rensselaer Plan that would slowly raise tuition to $100,000 (not including room and board) over the next 36 years. An inside source close to the president was quoted as saying, “How else are we going to allow the investors to make significant personal upgrades? Money doesn’t grow on trees you know!”

In addition, a small sum of the money will be used to renovate certain residence halls, namely Barton Hall and Blitman Residence Commons. A janitor who only wished to be referred to as T. Cleaner told me in a hush-hush interview, “I am very excited that these renovations are happening, as they will make life easier on my fellow employees, but last I checked, those dorms were in no need of renovation!” It is becoming increasingly evident that RPI and her administration are hostile to their students. One concerned student reached out to us saying, “I don’t understand it: I mean, with all the recent spending that the president has made, we could have improved some of the more dilapidated buildings on campus, or advancing our presence in science. But no, we had to buy an expensive performing arts center, and buy and renovate a hotel! You’re not going to use this, are you: you know what happened the last time some criticized the president’s policy.”

However, not everyone was so upset, in fact one student, Andy Suds ’14, had this to say, “I don’t get what the problem is. If we want a world class school, we have to pay up—besides, it’s not like I’m going to be here in 36 years!”

This new amendment has taken harsh criticism from such important organizations as the College Table posted this onto their website, “We regret the fact that the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute has decided to set the precedent of a $100,000 price on education. It is clear that students will suffer, and that the dream of having a quality education available at an affordable price is going to be a failed one. As one of the nation’s leading Science, Technology, Engineering, and Math schools, RPI holds influence over the national college/university climate. We’re deeply saddened that this blatant disregard for student welfare has taken place, and we hope that the president of the Institute will reverse this blatant abuse.”

When asked for comment on the subject, the president said,”While our reasoning may not make sense now, I, on behalf of the staff and management of RPI, can assure you that these new increases in tuition are solely for the student’s benefit. We are currently working on a proposal to make the establishment of the administration more prevalent in student life. Know that these additional funds will help us cut away at the tangled mess that is Student Government, as well as build and renovate buildings. In the future, you will see the genius of my plan.”