When I joined the advertising team of The Rensselaer Polytechnic, I was assigned the job of sending out a weekly email asking for section editors’ “page counts.” Page counts are a key aspect of laying out the paper every week and organizing the sections; however, it seemed like such a mundane task when I was first told to do this. Therefore, I decided to bring some life to this email and tell a story that makes no sense, but always ends with me asking for page counts. I am going to share some of those emails with you here verbatim.
It is that glorious time of the week…I know you all look forward to it…..It is a truly special moment…are you guys ready….This will be the highlight of your week….that moment is upon us…try and hold your excitement…this is the best thing in the world…I cant believe what is about to happen….here we go….I am nervous even introducing it…I need page counts :)))))
Yours truly, Love, Sincerely, Always, yours, best, regards,cheers,
Dear, my fine poly people,
As the extra fantastical week of break comes to a close it means that the extra special Tuesday is around the river bend. Therefore I am not asking, i am not even begging, nor am i demanding. for all i am doing is but the one thing I am required due every sunday, and as many of you know any love. It is time for all of you people/member/things to kindly in an orderly fashion……. Give me your page counts
I stand here before but a mentor and carrier of wisdom, prosperity, enlightenment, and overall swag. For you are all but mere Kings and I well…. I am your teacher. I don’t teach you school, I teach you life, love, joy, swag. For today is my day to instill some special knowledge. I warn you, this knowledge has started wars, cured plagues (black plague, yea i stooped that shizz), and allowed soles to see their somewhat fill potential. Well I will get to the point my swagalishies brothern. Here we go. GIVE ME YALL PAGE COUNTS.
Dear my fine pi loops brothers,
It has come upon the time where I share with you my life story. Or………our life story. for, like romeo had said, "My bounty is as boundless as the sea. My love as deep, the more i give to the the more i have for both are infinite." Like wine love is a genital, wonderful frisky beast. Also, as Juliet ounce said "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I’ll no longer be a Capulet." …. Ohh love is like a box of chocolates, you will always eat it. So as you remember my words of wisdom and wonder i ask you but a favor…. give me your hand in song just one more time. I wish to frolic and dance and sing and dance just but one more time while you are holding my hand. So….. give me your page counts.
Your guide on this endless journey,