What does it mean to grow up?

Growing up, we often have a vague idea of where we would like to be at a certain age—successful by 25, married by 30, homeowner by 35, still friends with people we swore we would never drift from, and so much more. I still remember the plans I made while chatting with friends late into the night, past our bedtime, or on hot Saturday afternoons when there was nothing left to do but talk —secondary school, really, was an experience. We’d talk about anything and everything, one of which was what we would be doing when we were all grown up. But what does it mean to grow up?

Sometimes, it’s a feeling that varies by age. For instance, I thought I was a “grown-up” when I was allowed to wash the plates when I was still a kid, or iron my uniform for school the next morning. I thought I was a “grown-up” on my first day of secondary school, as I walked down that long paved road dragging my big red box that was almost the same height as I was. I thought I was “grown-up” when I was in senior secondary two, equivalent to 11th grade in the US, a year with a lot of responsibilities. Now, I’m an adult, an actual “grown-up”, and on some days, I do feel like one, like when I pay for food myself or tell people I have a “job”. On other days, it’s hard to feel like one when I spend the whole day whiling away watching a movie I’d forget in a month.

There’s a common pattern here: a sense of responsibility. All those times I felt “grown-up” or like a “grown-up”, that was just me with responsibilities; I was finally able to wash the plates on my own, iron my uniform all by myself, and so much more. The older I get, the more I realize that growing up is not an age or point in life that you get to. It’s continuously learning, growing and of course, assuming more responsibilities. It’s learning that sometimes, you will have lows and highs, and that you might never have it all figured out by 35.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back to being a kid. Back when my biggest worry was waiting for my mom to return home from work, or forgetting to thaw the chicken for dinner and scrambling to get it done, as I hear her car horn from outside the house gates, and when one of my biggest joys was taking my dad’s phone to play mahjong or solitaire —the simplicity of childhood. But things have changed, and now the complexities and responsibilities of adulthood constantly breathe down my neck. Daunting or not, I recognize that these responsibilities, and experiences are also part of growing up, because they are what shape us as a person. And that brings us full circle: that growing up is just us learning, growing and assuming more responsibilities.