In the spirit of the upcoming women’s history month, yesterday the V-Day Committee hosted a two hour workshop on dating and violence. The speaker, Sandra Stopera from the Sexual Assault and Crime Victims Assistance Program, conducted an outstanding program that combined real stories, statistics, and role playing to get her point across to the audience.
Going to the workshop, I thought that the speaker probably would not say anything that I did not already know. Watching sitcoms and the news and reading the newspaper was all I needed to know all there is to know. I was wrong.
“Everyone thinks, ‘Oh, this will never happen to me.’” said Stopera. That was probably also the reason why the event was not well attended with only about 25 students present. However, everyone there clearly got the message that this was a ‘real’ problem that has persisted and will not be gone anytime soon. Facts like: every two minutes a woman is raped in the US and 30 percent of female homicides are committed by husbands or partners put the reality into perspective.
One thing that was made clear throughout the session was the fact that usually victims of abuse let it go because they are not aware of the resources available out there. For example, in situations of rape and sexual abuse the victim could get medical attention that does not have to be paid by the victim and is usually funded by the government. “So you don’t have to worry that your mom or guardian knows what is going on,” said Stopera. Counseling for victims and is also available.
On the subject of stalking, something that has become more of a provincial joke in later years, Stopera predicted the “crime about to happen.” Stalking is illegal and should be recognized and help should be sought. Stalking victims are usually given 911 cell phones so that they can use them in emergencies.
On average women don’t leave abusive relationships until they have been to the emergency room at least eight times for abuse-related injuries. Why? Because “she loves him,” said Stopera. Even later in the relationship that remains the number one reason why women don’t leave abusive relations.
Stopera who has been with the SACVAP for years must have seen hundreds of these cases. Any one person who has seen as much as she had makes me wonder how they could look at the world in an objective way. At times, I thought that she must be one of those extremist feminists who do not believe in the existence of man, but then she would say something like “all these abuses are not gender biased. We just don’t see that many men coming to us,” and the whole theory just crumbles down. Stopera dispelled many stereotypes that we believe about sexual abuse, stalking, rape, and physical abuse. “No one stays in an abusive relationship because they like the beating,” she said in response to the common judgment that people pass on victims of sexual violence and abuse.
Moreover, abuse takes on a lot of forms: emotional, verbal, physical, financial, and sexual. Usually one person uses one or more of these tactics to undermine the victim’s self-esteem and have more “power and authority,” over them according to Stopera.
The best part of the workshop was the role-acting part at the end. Everyone got to test what they learned while laughing at the amateur acting attempts that volunteers made. It ended on the right note: full of laughter and awareness that the knowledge we received empowered us.
