My parents create such a fuss about me not calling home often enough. What can I do to stop the complaints?
- Please stop bugging me!
Dear Bugged,
We hear this issue very often. We do have some ideas for you. This communication problem may have something to do with the fact that your parents are very used to the telephone as the major source of their communication with others. You, on the other hand, use your computer as the first line of communication. E-mail and instant messaging are second nature to you. Arriving at a compromise about the best way and frequency of communication is the first step to resolution. Next time you go home, when you can talk face to face, you might try the following suggestions:
Negotiate a time for you to visit with your family … once a week, every two weeks, whatever is best for you and them. Having set this time frame, it is important to honor the commitment; so be very clear about your needs/expectations, etc. Invite your parent(s) to do the same.
If your parent(s) is computer savvy, read their e-mails and write a response. Your response need not be a lengthy essay!
If your parent(s) is really savvy, instant messaging will be very much appreciated, if only to say you are busy.
It is OK for you to tell your parents you are OK and don’t need to speak with them daily, or weekly. They might be calling just to find that out. It is also OK for you to ask your parents if they are OK without daily or weekly communication … the need might be theirs! In that case, reassurance from you will go a long way to make them more comfortable.
If a parent is extraordinarily lonely after you tell them you are doing fine, you might suggest they volunteer somewhere. They might have lots of extra attention to share with others … and don’t know who to share it with, if not you!
Also, your parent(s) might be struggling with the “empty nest.” Perhaps they might benefit from talking with someone about their loneliness. Therapists can be helpful to parents too!
We are glad you asked this question. There are many first-year students, and parents, who are concerned about communication!
Editor’s Note: If you would like to submit a question to Tweedle and Dee please e-mail poly@rpi.edu. Anonymity will be maintained.
