Immortals delivers on expectations

Immortals. A movie whose title is in desperate need of an article, and which is in desperate need of a better writer in general. Overall, the movie was decent. In fact, it was exactly what I was looking for and expected of it. It was an over-the-top action flick, where men with swords struck at other similarly armed men. To its credit, the movie never misrepresented itself. The trailers all contained ridiculous scenes that actually occurred in the movie, which is something that not all action movies have been doing as of late.

I had two main problems with the movie. First is the terrifyingly bad adherence to its source material. For a movie nominally based on the Greek mythology, these people had clearly never even watched the Disney movies based in that same continuum. Theseus, the main character, should have been the son of Poseidon, the guy who killed the Minotaur (an event which sort of takes place), kidnapped and married the queen of the Amazons, and many other similar shenanigans. Instead, Theseus is a peasant living in a town carved out of a seaside cliff (terrible place for a town, by the way. There would be horrifying erosion; just ask any nearby civilians) who happens to have been trained by Zeus masquerading as an old man. They are getting their mythology all kinds of messed up.

The second issue I had with the film was that parts of the flick that were literal deus ex machina. I’ve seen things that qualified as such before. I complained to that effect in my review of The Muppets, but in this movie, problems were actually solved by gods coming down from the heavens and taking care of business. It was atrocious. I call fowl, and not just because the gods appeared as birds at one point. Don’t get me wrong; I did get to see a god hit a man in the head with a hammer so hard that the head disappeared in a splash of blood, leaving only a stain on the wall behind him. That was cool. Movies could use more hammer action like that, but when that action comes in the form of one of the oldest theatrical cliché-type things I can think of, I’m less than enthused.

Other than those two problems, the movie was fun. Nonsensical action, beautiful lady-folk, and fun dialogue; I was pleased overall. I don’t know that it was worth the full price of a movie ticket, but definitely look for it in the Redbox rental thing and on Netflix.

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