Valentine’s Day: a day for two people to truly show how much they love each other. For the rest of us, however, there is a bright side too. It is hilarious to observe, even though I did always feel bad for those poor helpless boys in high school on Valentine’s Day. What 16-year-old guy remembers Valentine’s Day, until he walks into school to find every girl’s locker in the hallways but his girlfriend’s stuffed with chocolates, flowers, and heart-shaped letters poking out of the vents? And you can see it coming when he walks down the hallway, too. You know the poor kid is going to get railed at by his girlfriend, and he’s going to be in the doghouse until at least seventh period.
Well, it’s not my fault the corporate executives of Walmart got together and decided to invent this ridiculous holiday, and what a sly move too, what a vulnerable spot to capitalize upon. These high-ups have every boyfriend and husband wrapped around their fingers like dental floss. So how are all of the poor victims of Valentine’s Day going to avoid its notorious reputation for being the instigator of every female emotional outlash for that entire week?
Well, let’s start with that beautiful girl you’re dating. She’s very pretty, but she’s also more confusing than that new DSA project you’re working on. Unlike the nifty codes that govern C++ programming, this new thing, this … “girl,” does not make any sense to you at all. Applying logic in attempting to figure out what’s going on in her head has never worked. There seems to be no rationale to dictate what she thinks and how she feels, both of which often seem to be an emotional rollercoaster of chaos and confusion that cause her to change her mind on whatever emotional issue is currently in her life about every other day.
The switches and wires in her head are connected in no ordered fashion whatsoever. They go off randomly in all kinds of disordered confusion, and when she gets emotional talking to you, everything she says seems connected. All of her thoughts kind of blend together into a giant mass of confusion, and most of the time you have no idea what she’s talking about, or why she’s talking about it in the first place.
So don’t drive yourself crazy trying to figure out how to not piss your girlfriend off on Valentine’s Day­­—it happens all of the time. Remembering that it is indeed Valentine’s Day is half the battle. I can’t really help you out more than that. The best you can do is give in to the corporate battle and be like every other helpless guy. Go buy the girl some flowers and chocolate, and you will just have to hope she’s in a good mood. If she is, the flowers will be great. If she’s not and starts yelling at you, or crying, or breaking up with you for the night for, well, you don’t know, because you never know what exactly it was that you did wrong, then the chocolates will make her happy. When she wakes up in the morning, that wheel of fortune in her head just might have landed on a good note, and she, and you, will be fine again. For a bit.
