If I never had to drive on the interstate again, my life would be looking up from here. Unfortunately, home is a hearty seven-hour drive from Troy, 97 percent of which is prime interstate traveling. And after my last trip across New England, it became more apparent that I am either one of the gifted few who know how to drive a car—or the only person with a little common sense.
So what is happening to America’s drivers these days? Make no mistake, people who have had a license for longer than I have been alive are still just as horrible drivers as the teens who just passed the test. It is men and women, people of all ages, and people from all geographical locations. Perhaps a more appropriate question might be: how has someone who can’t handle themselves on the road managed to make it this far in life? There are the righteous speeders, those who can read the exit signs but no other signage along the way, the people who clearly have never used cruise control, and various other people who piss me off by doing equally as stupid (read: dangerous) things.
It is a close toss up between righteous speeders and people who can’t read in terms of who I would like to drive off the road first, but the sign ignorer arguments are definitely more justified. Everyone has seen this sign one time or another: Keep Right Except to Pass. Let’s break down this highly-complex English. “Keep Right,” what could this possibly mean? Keep—to stay, to remain, carry on—and this direction called “right” is the side of your body where your thumb and pointer finger do not make an L. Thus, keeping right would indicate one is supposed to remain in the right-most lanes at all times…except to pass. This means, in case you haven’t mastered the lingo by now, that drivers going slower than I am, or would like to be going, should either stay in a lane right of me or move to those lanes when it is evident that I will drive through their cars. This does not mean go for a Sunday afternoon stroll in the fast lane causing others to pass you on the right, which police will ticket for. Oh, and one more thing, to pass someone means to actually get ahead of or leave them behind. Passing is not equivalent to driving along side another car going the same speed for miles.
The group referred to as righteous speeders are, in some cases, a subset of the group outlined above. This term has come to mean those who are technically speeding, by going some increment faster than the speed limit, and feel that no one else could possibly want to go faster. Therefore, they pick an arbitrary speed, and hang out in the passing lane as they are (barely) gaining ground on other cars. And this righteous speeder is never going 80 in a 65—80 being what the Mass Pike speed limit should be. Instead, they are going 70 in a 65, which is the comfort zone for most regular drivers, not speeders. I am somewhat hesitant to start flailing my arms and yelling at these people since they are at least going the speed limit, but there are definitely traffic gaps on multi-lane highways with enough space for them to move aside while I make up lost time. If there is barely any traffic though, I will wait about 30 seconds before I flash my brights and lay on the horn, which I think clearly indicates my “get the hell off the road” attitude.
While it is frustrating to get stuck behind slow pokes and jerks, the situation is only exacerbated by people who haven’t discovered the cruise control button. Yes, there are older model cars still on the road that were produced before the luxury of setting a constant speed; however, these people should only have more practice maintaining a speed by controlling the gas pedal—I seem to remember an entire driver’s ed class spent mastering the pedals. There are few things more angering than being behind a driver that accelerates to pass a car, for example, then slows way down when they realize how fast they are going. Then at that point, I have accelerated along with them and am probably now rapidly approaching their rear bumper. This in turn makes them slow down further to show me their disapproval in my car’s location relative to theirs. Basically, there is a vicious cycle of dangerous driving and boiling tempers, all of which could have been avoided by going one speed for an extended period of time. This message applies equally to the people who try to get in passing wars with me because their vehicle might speed up a little going downhill, then they drag behind going back uphill. These are namely truck drivers who try to keep up with little family cars.
There are a few other choice groups who shouldn’t be allowed to drive, like the “swerve in and out of lanes” people, or those who cut you off without realizing just how fast you were going. Don’t even get me started on the multitasking drivers. While I may occasionally eat a meal on the go, I rarely have casual chats on my cell phone while trying to maneuver across three lanes of traffic. It is really the tip of the iceberg when I wait (im)patiently for the car in front of me to move, only to see they are blabbing away on the cell phone. They don’t even get to see how pissed off I am, judging by my gaze burning holes in their steering wheels and phones.
In general, however, it all boils down to exhibiting control over one’s self and vehicle, which unfortunately for some people means utilizing common sense. If you drop some food in your lap, definitely do not take your eyes off the road to find the crumbs—and don’t eat the food if you do find it. Take a glance in the rearview mirror, and if a car is gaining, look for the next opportunity to move aside and let them pass. If you are trying to pass a car and need to switch lanes, check the other lane a few times to avoid cutting someone off and causing a high-speed accident. Make note of your speed on a more regular basis to not only prevent unnecessary accelerating or decelerating, but also to keep yourself safe from spontaneous acts of violent road rage. Just make sure to think about the situation and your actions before causing a problem. Only when people understand that there are other drivers on the road will interstate traveling be anything more than a nuisance, a task set up to cause more unneeded stress and strings of obscenities.
