Last semester was my final stint as a teaching assistant at RPI. Recent changes in graduate tuition policy prevent me from TAing more than four semesters. This is a controversial rule for many at the school and I have to say that I would prefer to be able to TA more, both because I find it mildly enjoyable and because it pays the bills. I did my time in upper class courses in the Chemical and Biological Engineering Department. Those courses were tough, the sort of things that would ruin my semester had I needed to complete them as a wee undergrad lo those many years ago. Overall, I have been impressed with the intelligence and dedication of the students that I have worked with. That said, there is something important that all undergraduates should know. I want to be careful here because I don’t want to overstate or exaggerate. Here it goes:

I hate you all.

Yeah, that works pretty well.

You see when you are on the other side of the podium, when you’re the one up all night grading exams, you develop an appreciation for the evil nuns that beat kids with rulers in Catholic schools all over America. It isn’t personal. Actually, yeah, it is personal. But it’s not all personal.

I am not bringing this up because I want you to feel bad, but I think you would do well to keep this in mind as you go through courses here at the Institute. Let me break some of it down for you.

I can’t speak for my colleagues, but I have no pity for you. TAs have to take classes, they have to do lab work, they have to pass qualifier and candidacy exams (by the way, if you fail those, you get kicked out; you get to go home to your family as a failure and a disgrace), write papers for publication, present at conferences where some guy with 30 years of experience in your field is waiting to point out that your three years of work is fundamentally flawed and useless to every soul on the planet. Outside of that, a TA has to keep his advisor happy and maintain a social life while looking for jobs. The kicker is that we have all passed the courses that you are currently taking.

I hated whiners and cheaters when I was an undergrad. As a TA when it came up, I meted out punishment with glee. When whining got out of hand—albeit, rarely—I would take points off of anyone who bothered me without just cause.

Does flirtation work? With me, no, but from what I know of my fellows I am an anomaly.

I know that it is frustrating to have a teaching assistant that speaks English with an accent, or worse, hardly speaks the language at all. Before you launch into a xenophobic tirade, remember that many of us grads are friends and hear this stuff in the Union, Mueller Center, or elsewhere on campus. In my department, we get several hundred applications from highly-skilled international students. Of these, only a dozen or so are selected each year. The lesson: if your TA barely speaks English and still got in, she’s probably much, much smarter than you.

For your own sake, do not get rude or threatening when disagreeing with a TA. I am old enough to know that I don’t have to put up with it, and I am young enough to respond illegally. I will close by paraphrasing an e-mail I sent to a recent student who was letting his frustration out on me: I am not your father and I am not your friend, you can deal with me in a respectful manner. There is no second option.

By the way, these years in grad school have been the best of my life.