All my life I’ve been independent. I was never one of those kids that cried for mom the first day of kindergarten; I was ready for the new faces and new adventure. I never wanted to settle down; I wanted to run everywhere and see new things. One of my mother’s favorite stories is that when she tried to keep me with her by using one of those leashes for kids, I climbed out of my overalls so I wouldn’t be constrained by anything.
When I got old enough for schoolwork, completing my assignments was my responsibility. My parents did not need to push me to get good grades. Managing my affairs was my business and mine alone. The different things I participated in were chosen to attribute to the greater scheme of things. I’ve always been goal driven and I’ve had my life planned since I was thirteen. Or at least I thought I did.
The way I pictured it, I was going to go to a prestigious engineering school and, upon graduation, work for one of the three automotive giants in Michigan. It didn’t matter that RPI was six hours away from my house and Detroit was twice as many. I could completely handle myself with whatever situation was presented because I was independent, I didn’t need anyone.
Last year I was still really set on my goals. Everything was so new, and there was so much to experience that the fact that I only went home four times over the school year didn’t phase me. Besides, my internship for the summer was located at home. All the work was relatively easy and I could finish homework assignments on my own in a timely manner. This year, my outlook has been a little different, though.
The realization that the longest time I will be less than six hours from my home will be Christmas break has finally set in. I’m going to have to be completely responsible for myself. I thought I couldn’t wait for that, but I’ve realized that means dinner cooked by mom won’t be waiting on the table for me when I get home from work anymore. Dad won’t be around the corner to come rescue me when someone totals my car, and my grandparents won’t be able to stop in randomly to visit.
Schoolwork has gotten significantly harder as well. The assignments that took me maybe an hour at most now could take over five hours if I tried to tackle them myself (and I know they’ll get longer and harder as I progress). I’ve become completely dependant on my homework buddies to get my assignments done correctly and in a timely manner. I probably wouldn’t be able to pass my classes without my classmates’ help.
I believed I could be completely independent—that I didn’t need anyone to succeed—but this year I’ve come to realize that I am only as strong as my support system is, that system consisting of my family and friends. I’ve developed deep relationships with my friends here that I never had with my high school friends as well as found a strong connection in someone who creates a large effect on my decisions. I’m still keeping my fingers crossed for an internship in Michigan, but when it comes time to make a more permanent decision of relocation, I am going to be thinking about more people than just myself.
