The holidays are finished. Nothing else could make me any happier. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for holiday cheer and whatnot, but there are certain aspects of the so-called “holiday season” that drive me up the wall. Of all these things, my fellow homo sapiens are what I could do without the most.
Now I don’t mean to attack the entire human race, because that isn’t the case at all. There is a certain crowd of people—and you know who you are—that in my eyes purposely make efforts to breed chaos and disturb other “normal” people, such as myself—please note the sarcasm—around the holidays.
The first classification of these individuals you would find most often on some sort of mass transportation, meaning in my case, the train. These people—who I’ve come to think actually live on the train—feel it is their responsibility to make your eleven hour trip to Ohio more enjoyable.
I myself prefer to spend the time watching movies or reading, but no, headphones or an open book are no deterrence to this individual. Even if your attention is obviously focused on something more interesting they will talk to you, and if you’re anything like me, they somehow will make you feel obliged to listen, unless that is, you like feeling guilty.
One such person I encountered on the way home for break was a woman traveling to Chicago—or so she said, though I know she probably never got off—along with her aid dog who happened to be a pit bull, and happened to be named Dizzy.
Now this woman, whose name I think was Lisa, insisted on telling me all about her theories on psychology and Freud after I told her I was a dual biology/psychology major. Funny thing is she also stressed the fact that she was a law school graduate.
As the conversation—if you could call my nodding and smiling here and there grounds for conversation—she managed to somehow relate Sigmund Freud to Jesus Christ. Don’t ask how, but she did. Actually after another hour or so she managed to interconnect the whole spiel, even after turning the subject to wireless internet. In addition to a law school grad, she is also a songwriter, and a scriptwriter in the process of production.
Then, she fell asleep. This, was, by far, the most interesting point of the whole trip. As she slept, she clutched tightly to her chest an 8x10 inch color glossy print of some random Asian boy’s third grade school picture—perhaps it was her son—and what at first I thought was snoring, was actually her barking in her sleep. I was disturbed on so many levels to say the least.
Now that I’ve gone on and on about one particular situation I can move on to the next type of “holiday personality” that I could do without: Holiday shoppers. Need I say any more?
This year was especially bad since the American public felt they could somehow outsmart Corporate America and get better deals if they waited until the very last minute to buy their gifts and supplies. To all of you out there that fall into this range of people, let me just tell you, Corporate America always wins. Don’t let that get you down, just accept it and move on with life.
I myself did all my shopping well in advance of the crazy mobs of rushing mommies and daddies, husbands and wives, and worst of all, the bitter, underhanded, spiteful, and just plain nasty battalion of grandmothers. Instead, I got to sit at home and watch the news repots about all the crazy people shopping on Christmas Eve.
The third and final crowd of people I’m going to target today are drivers. Not as if its especially difficult to drive with sleet, slush, ice, wind, and the four feet of snow blocking the road, but on top of it people get hostile! Why do people do this? It absolutely baffles my mind. Please if you need to take anger management classes, do so. Don’t take it out on the rest of us because you’re upset that your pretty sports car doesn’t have four wheel drive.
So here’s to the holidays being over, and hoping they come much slower this year, or at least don’t bring as many crazy people along with them.
