Editorial Notebook

Fellow students, I am your grand new leader

Red Gummi Worms party find solace in new, unique GM; Smith rids all school sports

Dear student of the great Rensseler Polytecnik, I am proud to announce that I have been appointed as the next Grand Marshall. This appointment comes after a decision from Renseler where they thought there were no good candidates in this election and well they are kind of and you know just right so they chose me. I have always thought I was the best person for the job and so I am proud to say that they have chosen the best person for the position.

So, fellow Renselerians , let me tell you about me. I am a member of the puppies for life club and. This club has given me great leadership opportunities and opportunities to meet dogs. I am also the founder/leader/member of the I love lamp club. This is my favorite club, lamps do so much to help light stuff and so I love lamp. I am and member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster so and I follow the beliefs very heavy. And I will be relating my grand marshalship to the Great Spaghetti Monster. My whole I have dreamed of ruling the world but I will settle, hahahah for, what they give me. With on this historic and monumental and excellent and crazily awesome day I have been awarded/given the position of grand ruler of Rennssselar. But, no fear, I am a special person. I lead you and guide you with happiness. Along my side will be the fearless leader Vladimir Putin, we will lead and lead and break and lead.

I have many large plans for the Renlssselqr. I will help everyone and when a fellow peep needs my help I will guide with a hard heart and a kind fist. I plan on allowing all students the freedom to not choose where they eat. And a universal tooth brushing law, with round the clock police. I also plan and to secretly get rid of the student senate. This is audacious ohhhh I know. This is a dream but I will lead with no help and that is how I role. I plan on appointing my friends to potential position like chief of staff and countless and on the board of trusties. Neatly I plan to get rid of all sports at this school, sports are inhibiting school unity and we need something to rally upon and sports can’t do that. So, I will give with this the best 27 years of your life. I know that is more than four but that is how long it took me to become a junior and so will it be you.

No one should be scared by my appointment by no vote and. I have been trusted by a faculty member and Putin. To do what I do and this I will do for you. My fellow studs, we are the Red Gummi Worms (you will get used to this, this will be all of our names of pride).