I love baseball. The outrageously statistical nature of the game appeals to me. I would like to have every player with over 300 home runs, 200 wins, 2000 hits, or 2500 strikeouts memorized.
There’s something downright magical about watching a pair of pitchers mow down batter after batter as if there’s nothing to it.
However, three months in a row with nothing but baseball becomes an annual torture. Even with the Olympics, baseball starts to wear on me by September.
Fear not—help is on the way. While the icemen will be letting us down this season with an NHL lockout, the NFL season kicks off this weekend. Just in the nick of time too. If I have to see one more Sportscenter highlight with Rob Mackowiak or Travis Hafner (who? exactly!), I might start throwing things at the television.
After watching the sheer pointlessness of the Cardinals whipping the Padres and Pirates 9-2 everyday, football is like an oasis in my desert of despair. Big hits, wild drives, yelling and screaming; and that’s just Randy Moss behind the wheel.
The literal blow that Moss delivered to an unsuspecting traffic officer is nothing compared to the one-two-three punch delivered to the Dolphins this off-season.
Already mired in a quarterback controversy, they lost their star running back and video game cover boy Ricky Williams to retirement–or reefer-tirement, if you prefer a more cynical view of things.
Either way, the avalanche didn’t stop there as the team lost its number one wideout to a season-ending injury, and traded a Pro Bowl Defensive End for a second-tier receiver.
The 1973 Dolphins went undefeated en route to a Super Bowl. These Dolphins may make a serious run at going winless. But no matter how many losses he may suffer, quarterback A.J. Feeley can still take solace in the fact that he’s dating Heather Mitts.
Enough of the bad for now; I’ll get back to it later. I’d like to turn on the prognostication machine for another go-around. After correctly picking Ruben Studdard as the winner of American Idol II and picking Zora to win Joe Millionaire, I’m ready to move into a more legitimate event.
Since the Dolphins are going to do their best lead balloon impression this year, 15 teams are left in the AFC. New England’s defense is still suffocating, and they now have a bona fide number one running back in Corey Dillon.
The Patriots are my personal pick to get to the Super Bowl in the conference, but take that with a grain of salt; last year I picked the Bills to win it all. But, I had a good reason! I was thinking that – well, I’ll be honest, I guess I wasn’t thinking.
My fashionable pick to come out of the NFC is the Seattle Seahawks. They’ve got all the makings of something big: the yard-munching running back Shaun Alexander, the upstart QB Matt Hasselbeck, a flashy receiving corps, and a long-suffering defensive stalwart in Chad Brown.
Top it all off with a coach who has won big games before, and this team is not to be taken lightly. If they weren’t toiling in the Pacific Northwest, these guys would be some of the most famous faces in the league.
A few awards predictions, as well:
MVP—Willis McGahee. Just kidding. Peyton Manning should repeat as MVP, but forget the hardware, the Indianapolis brass wants the jewelry.
Defensive Player of the Year—Ray Lewis. He’s long ago stopped obstructing justice, and now sticks to obstructing the other team.
Rookie of the Year—Larry Fitzgerald. With Anquan Boldin going down early, Fitzgerald will step up and never look back.
With the predictions out of the way, I’d like to take a few moments to mourn Tim Couch. His comically ineffectual career continued its downward spiral this week when he was cut by the Green Bay Packers. As a number one overall pick, he completely collapsed under the weight of Clevelanders’ expectations.
When Kelly Holcomb overcame Couch’s poor leadership to lead Cleveland to the playoffs a few years ago, “Couch” became synonymous with “mud.” Dumped by the Browns in the off-season, he signed with Green Bay, to get back to the basics and work under the tutelage of Brett Favre.
But, he lost the back-up job to Favre’s longtime back-up Doug Pederson. When a number one pick loses a back-up job to a man who has started 17 games in 12 seasons, a moment of mourning is not uncalled for.
The Colts might be interested in Couch now, but he would be riding the pine as the number two guy as long as Peyton Manning is calling the shots. Considering Manning hasn’t missed a snap in six years, it might take an army of Ray Lewises to bring Couch back to a starting gig.
Editor’s Note: These opinions are those of the individual writer, and are not necessarily held by the sports department or The Poly staff.
