WEIRD OFF THE WIRE

Chicken tweets, offenders give blood to avoid jail

An Australian restaurant, Chicken Treat, celebrated last Thursday when their social media correspondent managed to create the word “bum” in her tweet. While to most the task seems simple and all around easily executed, to a chicken it certainly would not. Betty, the four-year-old domestic foul, taps away at her keyboard creating incoherent messages that the company finishes with the tag #chickentweet. The entire concept is seemingly ridiculous, but this marketing gamble was one made in the right direction as it has caught the attention of people and chickens globally. When asked how long Betty would be in business, Chicken Treat responded that Betty would be well taken care of and remain tweeting until she manages to create a five letter word in English. This act will win her a position in the Guinness Book of World Records. Until then, “bum” is at the top of Betty’s extensive vocabulary.

Monday, in Marion, Alabama, a group of individuals who had committed minor offenses were gathered in Judge Marvin Wiggins’s courtroom. The crimes committed by these people included hunting after dark, assault, and drug possession; the solution to crimes such as these would normally be fines or jail time. However, the sentence for these offenders was a little more close to home: a pint of blood. “There’s a blood drive outside,” said Judge Wiggins. “If you don’t have any money, go out there and give blood and bring in a receipt indicating you gave blood.” If an offender supplied neither money nor blood, they would be sentenced to jail time. Many found this request inappropriate. “You’re basically sentencing someone to an invasive procedure that doesn’t benefit them and isn’t protecting the public health,” said Arthur L. Caplan, a professor of medical ethics at NYU Langone Medical Center. The request was reminiscent of wartime measures, such as after the Pearl Harbor bombing, when people of Honolulu were given the option to give a blood donation instead of a fine for traffic violations. Needless to say, whether or not Judge Wiggins made this decision with some altruistic intention, the action was ultimately deemed unethical.

In Mississippi on Sunday, a burglar’s failed attempt to rob the Cracker Barrel Pizza Store was foiled by his inability to escape the vent pipe of a pizza oven. The perpetrator had the intention of removing the vent cap and performing a backwards-Santa impersonation by robbing the store via chimney. He was stuck for more than 11 hours, and suffered minor injuries and dehydration. In order to pull out the screaming 35 year old man, officials from the Brandon and Independence Township Fire Department were required to aid in the removal.

At 6 am last Friday, a man, aged 26 years, was released from the Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines, Iowa. Upon his discharge, Luis Orellana-Rivera stole an unoccupied taxi cab with the key left in the ignition. When arrested, he reported to the police that the reason he had stolen the cab was because he did not want to walk the six blocks home.

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