The Machine Girl reminds us that there are valid reasons why direct-to-DVD films did not make it to the silver screen. The movie would have been painful to watch alone, but with a group of friends it could easily become a cult classic. At IMDb it’s listed as a comedy, but sometimes one has to wonder whether it was intended as a comedy in its native Japan or if it’s only listed as such in the United States.
This movie first came onto many people’s radar last December, when the trailer made its rounds on the Internet. At first it looked like a hilarious spoof trailer for a movie that would never exist. Sure, it was a particularly well-done spoof, but it was so outlandish it couldn’t be taken seriously. Needless to say, I was intrigued when I discovered the trailer—touting an arm-mounted Gatling gun, a flying guillotine, and blood spray sufficient enough to make Kill Bill look like a Disney flick—was for an actual movie. The Machine Girl has also been compared to Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror for obvious reasons, but won’t rise to the fame that last summer’s Grindhouse has succeeded in procuring.
The movie jumps right into the absurdity the trailer advertised, with Ami Hyuga (Minase Yashiro), the hapless heroine, mowing down a gang of kids with an arm-mounted Gatling gun—a la Evil Dead fame—all the while wearing a Japanese schoolgirl outfit. About five minutes into the film, it’s painfully and hilariously obvious that over half the budget was spent on fake blood and dismembered bodies.
After a short stint of plot development, The Machine Girl switches gears to a nonstop action fest filled with as much fake blood and gore as the props department could get its hands on. The amount of violence at times is disturbingly ludicrous and never stops trying to top itself.
The lackluster story revolves around Ami searching out the family of ninja Yakuza, whose son killed her brother. After being captured, her arm is sliced off; she picks the only logical route for the situation she’s in and straps a massive steel Gatling gun to her recently mutilated arm and continues her revenge. The dialogue is flat, but what would be expected from a movie like this?
The best part of the film has to be the creativity of the weaponry. Any movie that has a drill-bra in it is definitely a movie worth seeing; flying guillotines also tear off heads and spray absurd amounts of blood into the air. Since the film contains ninjas, it’s expected that katanas and throwing stars make an appearance, and this movie does not disappoint. Evil Dead fans will be happy to know Ami strips off the Gatling gun at one point in the film to wield a chainsaw where her hand used to be, hopefully in homage and not copyright infringement.
All the actresses seem to be under twenty-five, even the one playing the mother of a boy in high school. It’s no surprise that the lead actress—the single-named Asami—is a popular name for Japanese porn actresses, and not just because she constantly wears a schoolgirl outfit. The only thing a movie of this caliber is missing is gratuitous nudity; for a direct-to-DVD movie from Japan staring a porn actress, it’s a little surprising the director didn’t see it necessary to delve further into the R rating.
The Machine Girl is already out on DVD in the United States and in theaters in Japan. It’s worth a rental or a bargain-bin buy, but is not likely to be endurable after multiple viewings. If the opportunity arises, watch it; just be wary of sitting through it alone.
