History books are full of catastrophes, plagues, storms and other devastating events that have threatened man’s existence. Yet, we creatures have a good track record of getting out of such pinches. As history has a sick tendency to repeat itself, we find ourselves in another sticky situation: the threat of an ever-increasing global temperature. There are those who argue against the existence of global climate change and label environmentalists as hysterical anarchists out to destroy America, but there is a simple solution to this issue that just requires some ingenuity.
What is the horrible consequence of global warming? As the ice caps melt, the water levels across the globe rise, and large, highly populated costal regions will be submerged. This effect will be especially devastating in small pacific islands, where a meager sea-level rise of two feet will cause the vast majority of the population to be displaced. For all the pollution that industrialized nations release, the smaller, less industrialized nations will have to pay the price. Don’t let this get you down—there is a solution. Calculate the total amount of greenhouse gases released by each of the most industrialized nations. Apply that proportion to determine the amount of refugees each nation must harbor. For example, lets say the United States is responsible for 43 percent of all greenhouse gases released into the atmosphere. We are then responsible for dealing with 43 percent of all evacuated refugees.
How can this not work? It will be like a massive slumber party! And hey, we can trust FEMA to take care of this one. The United States loves immigrants, too! Now, some lackluster people out there may say that the best way to end global warming is to work diligently at passing appropriate laws. They think the world works the way it did when they were young, when laws actually meant something, and there was hope for the future. Well, today is different. I don’t care for hope, it gives me indigestion. Modern times call for modern measures, which sometimes involve having a massive sleepover in the western hemisphere.
Editor’s Note: <i>“Liberal Bias” runs biweekly and is an opinion column granted by the Editorial Board to the College Democrats.</i>
