I was recently shocked by Steve Gault’s insightful article dealing with how smokers are infringing on non-smokers’ rights to, as he puts it, "a smoke-free education." His article really made sense to me and I quickly drew similar parallels with problems between the much less showcased, but all-too-important struggle between people who "break wind" and people who don’t want to smell it. It is my contention that people who don’t want to smell "broken wind" have the right to a "broken wind" free environment, and, I believe, RPI is not doing their job enforcing this.
There are several "unwritten rules" that we have in society for people who like to "break wind." Common courtesy tells us that you should always go into the bathroom and close the door if you feel the need to "break wind" indoors. However, this is not very effective. As you may well know, the stench easily finds its way through the cracks in the door, through the radiators, and yes, even the windows.
Another "unwritten rule" not only here at RPI, but around the country is, for people who have to "break wind," that they "break their wind" outside of the building rather than inside, where it is "understood" that you don’t do things like that inside. Well, we all know that this isn’t really any better than "breaking wind" inside the building, and it sure as hell doesn’t protect those of us who don’t "break wind" from the effects of those who do. And once the door to the building is opened, well, you get the picture (or should I say, smell the trash …). This is especially true in such places as the library, DCC, CII, and JEC, where those sneaky "wind breakers" cluster together and produce a "wind" that hangs in the air and is, by all means, too thick to tolerate.
I believe I have discovered a solution to both the problem between smokers and non-smokers, and the similar predicament of "wind breakers" and non-"wind breakers": Giant Plastic Bubbles around everybody. You laugh? Allow me to explain. See, if we lock everybody up in a Giant Plastic Bubble then nobody is hurting anybody! The smoke won’t get near the precious tender lungs of the non-smoker. In fact, and this may very well be a double bonus, the smoker’s smoke will probably be so thick inside his Giant Plastic Bubble that it will cause cancer at obscenely fast rates, thereby eliminating him! All the while non-smokers breathe at ease in the comfort, and security, of their very own Giant Plastic Bubble.
And because this idea is so revolutionary, it applies not only to the smoking issue, but to the "breaking wind" issue as well! Imagine if every time someone wanted to "break wind" they wouldn’t even have to leave the building into the cold air! "Wind breakers" and non-"wind breakers" finally living together in peace. And much as the Giant Plastic Bubble held a double bonus in the smoker’s case, so it holds in this case also. "Wind breakers" won’t be around long living in that thick stench.
The possibilities really are endless with my proposed Giant Plastic Bubble solution. It would solve problems for the issue of smokers, "wind breaking," and could even be applied to the issue of "light sensitive" persons. (Although in that case you would need a slight modification—Giant Black Plastic Bubbles.) It is my hope that this solution will be considered seriously by all those at the Institute, including the man to whom I am deeply in debt to for bringing me up to speed on this problem: Steve Gault.
Philip Gaudet
CSYS ’03
