In the last issue of The Poly it was reported that a student at Union College was awarded almost $16 million dollars for falling down a manhole. The term “awarded” seems a little odd to me because I think of an award as a token of accomplishment in sports, or payment for some exemplary action. Obeying the laws of gravity and being clumsy are hardly the sorts of things that merit award. At least to me. Still, in legalese juries “award” plaintiffs in civil trials. I know an ambulance chaser who was so successful he quit his practice and retired at 40 years old. He then got bored and went to Medical School for fun. No harm there, I suppose. I always pictured personal injury attorneys to be something like Lionel Hutz on “The Simpsons,” it is good in a way that at least one is using his, ahem, earnings to better himself and maybe contribute to society. That being said I am going to repeat what must be a cliché by now; this suing thing is out of hand.
It is true that crazy settlements get press where seemingly just settlements are too boring to print; thus excess seems to be the norm. Still, there is something to be said for the often ridiculous jury declarations in injury cases. Maybe this Union girl couldn’t see the hole and it should have been covered, etc. Fine, but what happened to be worth nearly 16 million clams? A soldier gets his limbs blown off or dies in Iraq everyday, I do not know what the insurance benefits are for the military, but a quick trip to the Veteran’s Association Hospital or the local VFW will tell anyone that these people are not rolling in eight figures. I would argue that the government has been far more negligent in its safety standard for soldiers than Union was in its marking and sealing of a manhole. Even if you think the war is justified it is nearly universally accepted that the best precautions have not been laid for the safety of the infantry (body armor, support crews, etc.).
Comparisons aside, what is so nasty about falling down a manhole to get $15,800,000? Broken bones, bruises, infection, yeah, all unpleasant, but I got all that in one bad roller blading accident. Then I healed up and went on my way.
Someone has to pay for all of this, in this case Union College. I hate Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Applebee’s more than anyone, but if an obese woman slips and breaks her wrist, or finds a dead rat in her hot fudge sundae I still can’t fathom a bazillion dollar settlement. When it’s a university or the government I get more than annoyed. One way or another we all have to pay for it; fees go up, services get cut. That sucks, but even worse is the culture of the fear that it engenders. I can’t swim in waters deeper than four feet at Grafton Park because someone is fearful that an idiot getting himself drowned will result not in a celebration of Darwin’s genius, but a catastrophic lawsuit. I can’t run a Jiu Jitsu club at RPI because someone might get hurt and sue. (I was offered the chance to have a modified club that ensures no injuries, but what would I get out of it if I couldn’t hurt people?)
I know that I would need to go back to 1933 for this to be an original story, but that’s sort of the point. Why do we all have to suffer for klutzes and bad luck? S*&t happens, people get hurt, all the stupid rules just ensure that no one has any fun beforehand and when someone does get hurt, any chance of fun is terminated. These are broad strokes I paint with, but the gist is true and everyone more or less agrees. So what’s the deal? Why does it continue?
