It has come to my attention, and that of a few of my fellow classmates, that there is an infestation of live crickets in DCC 330. Having two classes there two days of the week, and hearing the crickets for myself, I decided to “investigate” this mysterious cricket brigade.
After searching for answers all around campus, I was left with very little information and so I had to develop some hypotheses of my own.
The first of my theories involves Professor Hannah, who teaches Introduction to Cell and Molecular Biology—go biology majors! Anyhow, Professor Hannah has a slight dislike of plants, which he refers to as “the ‘P’ word.” So, then, for some twisted reason—possibly just for his personal amusement—he could be raising armies of crickets to then release on campus this spring. The millions of crickets will proceed to devour all the living plants on campus, most likely saddening Professor McDaniel.
My second possibility surrounds the Discreet Structure lectures held in DCC 330. In order to keep all the sleepy students awake, the professor released crickets in the room. Thus getting rid of the crickets would result in a disastrous event, and no one would learn anything in Discrete Structures. I don’t know if that would really be so disastrous—it probably wouldn’t affect me at least— but I suppose if you’re a computer science major it would.
The third idea I had was that possibly the Department of Cognitive Science is doing a study, and only randomly selected student participants can hear the crickets. They are testing to see how long a certain number of people who can hear the chirping will wait before they seek psychological counseling. The control students have been secretly fitted with transparent earplugs which cater to selective hearing.
The last logical explanation for the crickets in DCC 330 is obviously that they are all owned by the Institute, namely by President Jackson. In looking for somewhere to store all the crickets she discovered that if she were to keep them in the center of DCC 337, the echo produced by all the chirping would level RPI. So then of course the next best place to put them was DCC 330. Isn’t that where you would keep them?
I’d just like to remind everyone that these are just some ideas I came up with on my own, and I don’t mean to suggest anything ill about any person, place, thing, or cricket. If anyone does know the reason behind the mysterious cricket chirping in DCC 330, please contact me immediately.
